Wellbeing
Bec Sparrow, author, mother and blogger has recently published an article titled 6 Friendship Lessons for Girls. This is a must-read for any parent trying to advise their daughter on the dynamics of friendship, resilience and kindness.
Bec speaks to schools, community groups and businesses about friendship, resilience, getting it wrong and bouncing back, life online and the power of kindness. This is an excerpt from her work, the full article is available by clicking on the link below.
1. Conflict in a friendship is normal.
We have to be careful not to romanticise the idea of a best friend. All friendships have conflict! So don’t throw away a friendship because of a fight. If you’re not sure if you should forgive your friend, ask “Is our friendship bigger than this fight?” (advice from my friend writer Deborah Disney).
2. Boundaries are EVERYTHING.
School friendships are a great time for all our kids to learn the important lesson of boundaries – this lesson will carry them through school friendships, romantic relationships and even workplace dynamics. Maya Angelou said, “You teach people how to treat you.” What are your friendship deal-breakers? When someone treats you badly — you can call them out on it. “I really like hanging out with you but I’m not prepared to be spoken to like that,” or “When you make fun of me like that – I feel humiliated. So I’m asking you to stop.”
3. If someone upsets you — don’t discuss it with everyone else or punish them. That’s called creating a drama cyclone. You do not need the stress in your life of more drama at school. Right? You know I’m right. If someone upsets you — talk to the person about it. And let’s be clear, if someone hurts your feelings or annoys you, you have two choices. You either get over it or talk to them about it. The pressure on girls to be nice all of the time, which means we often take our anger out in covert ways. This is called relational aggression. We are smiling assassins – freezing people out. Excluding them. Talking about them behind their back. This is creating a drama cyclone.
4. You don’t own your friends. Being possessive is a huge turn off and makes you look needy. Your friends are allowed to be friends with other people. Try to be chilled out about it. It’s not a rejection of you. Let your friends explore other friendships without feeling scared they are replacing you. You can do the same! Allow other friendships into your life knowing they don’t all have to be your BFF.
5. “Friends with some, kind to all” – Glennon Doyle
You don’t have to be friends with everyone at school. But you need to be kind. Why? Because school is so much easier and more enjoyable when you make the decision to have a cohort that sticks together. Have each other’s backs. Look out for one another.
6. Choose Wisely Who You Share Your Stories With
This is a brilliant bit of wisdom from social worker and researcher Dr Brene Brown. How do we know who to trust at school? Before you trust someone, ask yourself, “Has this person earned the right to hear my story?” Sometimes we share really personal information about ourselves with people we really don’t know well. We do it as a way to try and bond with them but this can be a big mistake.
Learning how to navigate friendships is a tricky road and often a lifelong process. This content is taken from the full article 6 Friendship Lessons for Girls featured on rebeccasparrow.com.